Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
