we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
