my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
