i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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