Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
