I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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