yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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