can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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