what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
