I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
