why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
