dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
