I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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