Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
