apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
