can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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