Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
