2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
