I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
