Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
