My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
