if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
