Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
