; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
