walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
