i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
