If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
