She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
