Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do vagina's smell?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
