but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
