did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
