I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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