Kiss
Puke
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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