you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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