he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
