One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
