U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
