We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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