I wish I only lived at night.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize