I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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