I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
