you didnt know i had herpes?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
