He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
