going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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