Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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