It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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