the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
