We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
