I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
