I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
