God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
