Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want to make out with him forever
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
