just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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