we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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