so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
