I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
