Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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