i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my being single is dangerous.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
