It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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