I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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