I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
