God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I am morally bankrupt
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
