Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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