Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
