just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Someone shit on the floor
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
