ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
