My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize