my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
